Why Talk About Sex?

1 Why is it so awkward to talk about sex?

Accept that some of the answers they give are true: sex is intimate and meant for the privacy of a husband and wife. It is also awkward because the culture has created such pressure to make sex such an important part of our identity. Explore what this means in their own lives. This could mean pressure to have sex or to not talk about it at church. Get the students to share some of their own personal experiences about why this is a hard topic to discuss.

2 What influences our views of gender and sexuality? 

Get the students to examine these major areas of influence. Have them explain how much each influences them and ask them what kind of influence they have. Here are the most common answers: 

3 How do these influencers view sex? How do they understand its importance?

Have the students discuss the various views influencers have about sex. How does each group understand the importance or role of sex?

ACTIVITY

Divide into groups of three or four. Have each group discuss these influencers. Have them write down on sticky notes, what messages/values/expectations about sexuality and identity are passed on from each. Then, have them rank these four influences in terms of their impact on their understanding of sex and sexuality.

When the groups finish their discussions, have them return and present their findings.

4 How does our culture define sex? What are the messages Western culture gives about sex?

VIDEO: For older students, you can also watch this video. In it, characters from the popular TV show, The Big Bang Theory discuss sex. The scene is not graphic but will show a discussion about a couple who are on friendly terms. Friends want to give advice on sex. 

Penny discusses sex with Sheldon, Big Bang theory:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=F63oH2_jU84

Ask the students how the characters in the clip view sex. Help them see that the characters see sex as a form of physical intimacy with someone, a way to reproduce and a way to show affection. The only level of commitment seems to be that the couple are friends. Marriage is never mentioned. Ask the students what they think about that message. The clip also portrays sex as something normal and something that should be discussed openly. Ask your students how open sexual discussions are at school or work.

5 Have you ever had discussions about sex with your parents? Follow-up with these questions:

A) What was the best part of that discussion?

B) What was the most awkward part?

For these questions get the students to explore how their parents’ understanding of sex can help them. For example, parents by definition know much more about sex than their children. As well, most parents have their children’s best interest at heart and want to help them avoid the mistakes they made. 

6 How much have you learned about sexuality at your church? Why do you think that is?

For this question talk about the advantages and disadvantages of talking about sex at church. Help them see that when we don’t talk about important topics at church, others from outside church will share their values with us instead.

VIDEO: Watch John Mark Comer compare the culture and the church’s views of sex and sexuality. www.youtube.com/watch?v=bF_5wbmrEsc

7 What do you think of John’s definitions of sex and sexuality? How does it compare with the clip from the Big Bang Theory (or other cultural views)? Do you think we need a higher view of sex than what our culture offers?

As you discuss this question, get student to discuss the stigma behind talking about sex, especially at church. Remind them that God designed sex so He clearly has no problem talking about it. In fact, an entire book in the Bible, the Song of Songs, is devoted to a beautiful view of sexuality in its proper context, marriage.

8 If appropriate, get your students to read the first four verses of Song of Solomon. 

Explain to your students that the Bible includes a book called the Song of Songs, or the Song of Solomon, that describes the passionate, romantic love between a husband and wife. Ask the students if they think Christians are often hesitant to talk about sex even when the Bible discusses it. Brainstorm possible explanations.

9 How does our definition of sex affect how we talk about it?

Ask the students if John’s definition of sexuality makes it harder or easier to talk about sex. Explore how students feel about discussions on sex, knowing it is a natural part of God’s design. Ask them to contrast their feelings when talking about sex at church or in a school setting  with how they feel talking about sex with someone who sees it the way popular culture does. Help the students see how much value the Christian worldview gives to sex because it was designed by God for people to show their commitment to Him and to each other, and not something to be used for individual pleasure or temporary affection.

10 What questions do you have about sexuality? What are some areas you want to cover as part of our discussion group?

Remind the students that you’ll be covering most of these topics in the next few weeks.