Homosexuality—Defining “Gay”

1 What does “gay,” mean?

In your group, brainstorm ways the word “gay” is used. Talk about how “gay” can be used to describe a person or a sexual attraction or an orientation. It can also be used to describe an entire identity and community of people. For example, why do we call something the “gay village” or a “gay bar”—not because the location has a sexual attraction but because it is part of a communal identity. Unfortunately, “gay” can still also be used as a derogatory word to describe someone you are angry with. 

VIDEO: Coming Out by Jackson Krecioch
Watch Jackson as he embraces this identity and comes out as “gay”: www.youtube.com/watch?v=StM-28WL8uI

As a group, come up with a list of all the ways Jackson describes being gay. Help your students include things on their list such as

• Being gay means he was always “different” from others

• Being gay means he wasn’t attracted to girls the way “he was supposed to”

• Being gay means an identity he has to embrace

• Being gay means this is his identity for the rest of his life

As a group, talk about these assumptions. These are fairly common assumptions people make about homosexuality in today’s culture. Ask your students if they think these are accurate assumptions. For example, who decides what attraction to girls is supposed to be? What did Jackson mean when he initially rejected being gay because he said, “I’m not like that.” What is it that is he is referring to, an attraction or an identity? Does having same-sex attractions means that you are going to feel that way all your life?

Being “gay” seems to have many definitions:

• Person: a person who is sexually aroused by someone of the same sex

• Attraction: the sexual orientation of someone attracted to the same sex

• Identity: the community and culture built around homosexuality

Most people in our culture argue that there is no significant difference between these definitions. They say if you are attracted sexually to someone of the same sex, you must embrace the gay identity and the gay orientation. In fact, many governments are trying to ban what they consider, “conversion therapy”—any attempt to try to change your sexual attractions because they see it as erasing your identity.

VIDEO: Boy Erased
The movie, Boy Erased, argues that any attempt to try to change a boy’s same-sex sexual attractions is harmful and attacks the core of who you are. www.youtube.com/watch?v=_X6dHrTceEE

2 Why are people so against changing sexual attractions?

With your group brainstorm arguments for why governments want to ban conversion therapy. Admit that not all Christian groups in the past treated gay people well. Some gay people underwent terrible counseling techniques and sometimes even physical torture, to try and change their sexual orientation. But help them see that the ban on conversion therapy is based on the idea that “gay” is an immutable identity that cannot change. Once you have these feelings, you have this whole identity that defines you for the rest of your life and you should never try to change it.

VIDEO: People Guess the Sexual Orientation of Strangers
In fact, isn’t it fair to say that homosexuality is such an important identity for so many people in our culture today, that it’s helped define a whole generation. It’s become a culture or tribe. Consider this clip, where a self-identified gay man tries to guess the sexuality of strangers. www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8a2XUB19jA

3 How do we decide who is “gay?”

Notice, how he picks up on cultural cues—how they dress, how they dance or what kind of singers they like - to determine if they are sexually attracted to people of the same sex. Ask your group as you’re watching this, if this is truly a legitimate way to determine someone’s sexuality. Brainstorm why these stereotypes are so prevalent in our understanding of being, “gay.” Consider that sometimes the stereotypes are based on experience—many gay women do want to dress like men and many gay men have female mannerisms. But point out that since these are stereotypes. This isn’t always true. As well, sometimes these stereotypes perpetuate the gay identity. A person, after hearing all their lives that they are gay, may embrace that identity. Interestingly enough, this hasn’t always been the case.

Consider this book from Hanne Blank. She isn’t a Christian at all but she wrote a book arguing that sexual orientation is a fairly new concept that started only about 150 years ago. In her book, Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality, she argues that even though people have practised all kinds of sexual acts in the past, it’s only been recently that homosexuality and heterosexuality were created as immutable or unchanging identities.

VIDEO: Straight—The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality
www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJOt70KiQQk&t=1s

The creation of a sexual identity had huge ramifications on culture. Show your students how two male basketball teams posed for group pictures. In a picture from 1915, the players are holding each other’s shoulders and standing all in a row with their bodies touching each other. In contrast, by 1942 men no longer posed this way as a team. Brainstorm with your students why that is. Explain to them that by 1942, the idea about having a gay identity and being called, “homosexual” was widespread. Many men in the west did not want to be labeled that way and began to show less public signs of affection for their male friends. Sadly, this meant that many forms of non-sexual intimacy were lost.

4 Are sexual labels becoming less important today?

Explain to your students that yes homosexual sex occured in ancient times but the idea that one sexual attraction can define you for the rest of your life, only become popular in the last century or so. For example, in ancient Rome, the male head of the household had complete control over anyone in his home in what was called “pater familias.” This meant he could have sex with anyone in his household, male or female. In fact, there are some stories where they often practised having sex with young boys before getting married. No one, however, labeled these men as “gay.” Sex was simply another way for them to exercise control over their household and to relieve any sexual needs they had.

Studies coming out today show that this fixed, sexual orientation is something many young people are also rejecting. Vice magazine, a very secular, pro-gay magazine, reported on a study in 2016 that found that only 48% of Americans below 21 (generation Z)  said they were exclusively heterosexual compared to 65% of those 21-34. Of this group, 81% also said gender “doesn’t define a person as much as it used to.” Though the reporters are unsure what these means, many suggest that for the next generation, sexuality and gender are not that important in defining their identity.

As a group, discuss if they see these trends among their circle of friends. Are there more people identifying as neither gay or straight? Are more people willing to experiment sexually and sleep with whoever they want? If so, help your students discuss if the ancient Romans (and almost every society before us) were right: sexual orientation is only as real as you want it to be. Sexual practices can be done by anyone, regardless of what label they give themselves.

5 If sexual orientation is a modern invention, how does that affect our view of sexuality?  

This is a crucial question for your students to think about. Help them see that sexual orientation is an identity that was created based solely on sexual attraction. Based on our previous lessons on identity and sexuality, ask them how essential this should be in shaping our identity. Help them see how feelings or attractions change all the time and so an identity based on feelings is, by definition, unstable. Ask them if there are other aspects of our character that provide a better identity. Then follow with the rest of the exercises and questions to help illustrate this point.

SHARE:

“Now consider the story of Pastor Sam Allberry, a Christian who is sexually attracted to other men but does not consider himself, ‘gay.’ One of the main reasons why he says his sexuality is not his identity is because he does not define himself by his attractions.  Rather, he sees his attractions as something he has not something that he is. As you listen to Sam Allberry’s testimony, note that he makes a distinction between his sexual feelings, and his identity.” 

VIDEO: The testimony of Sam Allberry, a same-sex attracted pastor who is celibate at https://youtu.be/WnI2Vr4UlA4?t=532 (watch from 8:53 to14:23)

You can also read and watch more on the LivingOut website at http://www.livingout.org/stories/ed. If the students have more questions, encourage them to read the articles Pastor Sam wrote on the website.

6 Can you separate your sexual feelings and your identity? What happens when we centre our identity on how we feel?

Discuss with your students how so much of our debates about sexuality are centred around the assumption that feelings don’t change and that feelings must shape the core part of our identity. Help them see that people like Pastor Sam acknowledge that they have these attractions but that their attractions don’t define them. Being “gay” is an identity they choose not to embrace. Ask them if they have ever considered that their feelings don’t have to define their identity. 

Focus the discussion on the positive and negative results of making feelings an identity. Feelings are often unreliable and change constantly. Get the students to consider our session on “Identity” about how Christ gives us a new identity.

Note for Leader: The following section is a nuanced discussion, but a very important one in our current cultural climate that makes sexual feelings a central aspect of personhood and identity.  

While attractions are things often beyond our initial control (though we can nurture them and give them increasing power), we definitely do have choices to make and are called to practice self-control. We also do make choices in what we make central to our sense of personal identity and how we derive meaning and purpose in our life.

Discussion

Similar to how Pastor Sam makes a distinction between his feelings and his identity, some people have made a further distinction between these three terms & realities (this may be helpful to write on board). Ask the students to help you define what these terms include. You can use these definitions as a starting point for discussion.

A) Same-sex Attraction: An enduring pattern of emotional and romantic attraction to people of the same sex.

B) Same-sex Sexual Activity/Behavior: Sexual acts a person has with those of the same sex 

C) Gay Identity: This is the most contentious and difficult label to define. This would be more than just same-sex sexual behaviour, since many can perform sexually with those of the same sex but not label themselves gay (in gay pornography, this is called ‘gay for pay’). It includes gay culture and community. It incorporates how one perceives or labels their own identity, choosing to make their same-sex attraction the primary or essential element in defining who they are. 

7 Is it valid to make these three distinctions?  Are they different?”

Have the students consider everything you’ve talked about so far concerning identity, sexual desire and marriage. Have them see that these are very different parts of our lives.

8 Which of these 3 are “not choices”, and which are choices that people can make?”

Refer to the “Note to Leader” with regards to the above question.

9 Does someone who experiences same-sex attraction have to embrace an identity of being “gay” and also pursue gay relationships?

No. Feelings don’t dictate how we must behave nor do they shape our identity. Pastor Sam is just one of many Christians who choose a different identity. Get the students to understand that in fact all Christians have to give up all their other identities to embrace an identity in Christ.

10 What other options might be possible?

Discuss ways Christians can be celibate but also celebrate same-sex friendships. Remind the students that in our Love session, we talked about how God designed us to need same-sex intimacy through friendship, but that this is a different kind of need than sexual or romantic love. 

11 Can someone then be “gay” and Christian?

This question is designed to reframe the discussion, to hopefully help students to see that the term “gay” can mean many things…
but also that Christians who have same-sex attraction can make choices to be faithful in their obedience to God. Hopefully students will wrestle with how this question is framed. First of all, what is meant by “gay”? Is it referring to Feelings? Identity? Behavior?

12 What does God think of sexual orientation?

Read Romans 1: 18-32 

This is the clearest passage on homosexuality in the Bible and it leaves no room for support of the practice. It mentions both male and female homosexuality and lists it as a result of rebellion against God. Interestingly enough, none of the passages in the bible, including this one, talk about homosexual orientation. Rather, the passages are very clear on homosexual practice. Sex should only be reserved for a husband and wife. Period. It’s also important to point out to students that the Bible affirms this with negative and positive texts. It clearly states its opposition to homosexuality in passages such as this one in Romans 1 as well as Jude 1:5-8, 1 Timothy 1:8-11, 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 and others. It also clearly says it by leaving it out as a positive act in other passages. For example, in 1 Corinthians 7, Paul describes all the ways we can relate to each other sexually: as husbands, wives and as single people (by remaining celibate). There is no other message for those who are married in any other way—whether polygamous relationships, open relationships or homosexual relationships. As a group, feel free to read those passages together and point out both the negative and positive affirmation of Jesus’ view of marriage.

The bible’s prohibition of homosexuality is not arbitrary, but is based on God’s purpose and design for sex.  It is not worse than other sexual sins. But being “gay” in our culture means so much more than mere same-sex attraction, or homosexual acts.” 

If the Bible does not recognize sexual orientation the way we do today, then it’s obvious the Bible condemns the behaviour, not the person who is struggling with same-sex attraction. It clearly states that sex is reserved for a man and wife but it does not condemn people who have same-sex feelings. In the same way, discuss with your students how this should affect how we treat people who identify as “gay.” In this last clip, Dr. Christopher Yuan describes his own conversion after getting HIV from having sex with many men.

VIDEO: This is the testimony of Christopher Yuan and how he embraced homosexuality and then how he embraced Christ. www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwmUNqrirO4

SHARE:

“The topic of homosexuality and people who identify as LGBTQ is huge. Sexual identity is a topic that Christians often struggle to understand. We are called to love and accept everyone, and at the same time the Bible is clear that homosexuality does not reflect God’s design for sexual behavior. How can we understand this topic more thoughtfully as Christians and understand those who have these feelings and experiences?”