Singleness
SLIDESHOW PRESENTATION
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QUICK LINKS
Cat Lady: WATCH
80’s Dating: WATCH
Pastor Francis Chan: WATCH
PRINTOUTS
Printable PDF Files:
Leader’s Sheets | Student Sheets
PURPOSE
To show that God has a purpose for singleness and that it isn’t just a phase of life to take for granted. We will also discuss how to best use this time of life for fruitful work and growth in godliness.
GOAL
At the end of this discussion students and youth should be aware of the purpose of singleness, that singleness is not a state that needs to be fixed and that one can be single and not be lonely.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1 Does society say that you should be single or does it encourage you to get married?
Some people feel so pressured to get married they get fed up with the comments. Show Meme: At weddings my Grandma would always poke me and say you’re next. I started doing the same thing to her at funerals.
There is still much pressure in our culture to find a partner, even if marriage is losing ground.
Consider this video:
VIDEO: Cat lady has 1000 cats in a house and she lives in a trailer.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qWSWdRnXaI
2 What do we assume about a cat lady?
We sometimes assume single people are crazy and lonely, and that there must be something wrong with them. Singleness is associated with mental illness. Discuss with your students what assumptions they’ve heard about single people. Help them see that we singleness doesn’t mean there is something mentally wrong with a person and that married people can also suffer all kinds of problems.
3 Society and the church seem to assume that single people are lonely. Is that fair?
VIDEO: Check out this funny 80’s video dating clip where men try to promote themselves to find a date. Have your students discuss if any of these eligible bachelors would grab their attention. Get them to discuss why these men are willing to embarrass themselves—simply because they want to find a mate. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bomkgXeDkE
Now brainstorm answers to these questions with your students:
Can you be single and not feel lonely?
Can you be married and feel lonely?
SHARE:
Clearly single people get lonely. But can married people be lonely too?
Guide students to realize that both single and married people can get lonely. We know this because married people still get divorced and say they were lonely in their marriage. More than that, married people still need relationships with people other than their spouse. People are designed to need more than one kind of relationship (see Session 6, What Is Love?) and so marriage doesn’t solve the problem of loneliness.
4 More and more people are putting off getting married and
starting families. Why do you think that is?
On the board, create a chart to compare being single and being married. Brainstorm with your students the advantages and disadvantages of each and compare them. Discuss which one has more advantages. What time requirements do each have? For example, one of the advantages is that when you are single you have much fewer responsibilities to others and you can do more for God.
VIDEO: In this audio clip, Pastor Francis Chan discusses what he thinks causes so many to put off marriage. The first reason is sobering. He says many singles are already having sex and think they can put off marrying. Ask your students if they think this is true. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JfSrluq2c3g
5 What do Christians say about singleness? That it’s ok to be single or that you should get married?
VIDEO: The worst thing about being single—the Christian stereotype.
In this satirical video, a Christian actress explains how single people are treated at her church. www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLL8mrifyj8
In fact, we stereotype single people in the church as well. Many churches have groups that are called, “Not-yet marrieds” or groups that assume that marriage is coming for every single person. We treat single people as inadequate or incomplete. The church sees single people as needing marriage.
Discuss with your students if space is provided for singles at their church. If they don’t have a church, have them share how single people in their family are treated.
6 What does the Bible say about singleness?
Along with your students, read
1 Corinthians 7:1, 8-9, 17-28, 32-38
“1 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman.
8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. 9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
17 Only, as the Lord has assigned to each one, as God has called each, in this manner let him walk. And so I direct in all the churches. 18 Was any man called when he was already circumcised? He is not to become uncircumcised. Has anyone been called in uncircumcision? He is not to be circumcised. 19 Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing, but what matters is the keeping of the commandments of God. 20 Each man must remain in that condition in which he was called.
21 Were you called while a slave? Do not worry about it; but if you are able also to become free, rather do that. 22 For he who was called in the Lord while a slave, is the Lord’s freedman; likewise he who was called while free, is Christ’s slave. 23 You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men. 24 Brethren, each one is to remain with God in that condition in which he was called.
25 Now concerning virgins I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy. 26 I think then that this is good in view of the present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released. Are you released from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you.
32 But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; 33 but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. 35 This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.
36 But if any man thinks that he is acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter, if she is past her youth, and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes, he does not sin; let her marry. 37 But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will, and has decided this in his own heart, to keep his own virgin daughter, he will do well. 38 So then both he who gives his own virgin daughter in marriage does well, and he who does not give her in marriage will do better.”
After reading the passage, ask the students to discuss what it says about singleness. Get them to discuss if what is said is positive or negative. Make sure to point out the following concepts about singleness from the passage:
A) It is a gift from God—vs 1, 26
B) It is all about how to please the Lord—vs 32-35
C) It is better to be single because you can live your life for God—vs 22, 32b
D) It is good to desire the single life—vs 32a vs 38
7 What biblical responsibility do single people have?
Consider these videos:
VIDEO: Love the Single Chapter of Your Life
In this video, from Pastor John Piper’s ministry, Desiring God about these passages on singleness. www.youtube.com/watch?v=-L4yt_wWYCEVIDEO: Matt Chandler Calls out Singles
In this video, Pastor Matt Chandler discusses that single people are responsible to honour God in their singleness. This includes treating other singles, especially those they may want to date, with honour. Discuss with your students what other responsibilities single people have to God and to others. www.youtube.com/watch?v=kW5B0OTrWMU
8 What is God communicating by Jesus staying single?
Point out that a lot of biblical figures were never married—Jesus, many of the apostles, Paul, Elijah. They all had the time to dedicate to God’s service. More importantly, the Bible never defines someone who is single as incomplete or inadequate. Rather, Jesus’ single life showed how God can use both singleness and marriage.
A) Jesus surrounded himself with 12 of his closest friends and spent time with them
“And He appointed twelve, so that they would be with Him and that He could send them out to preach. Now when evening came, Jesus was reclining at the table with the twelve disciples.”
B) Paul in Scripture talks of many people as dearly beloved brothers
“Therefore, my beloved brethren whom I long to see, my joy and crown, in this way stand firm in the Lord, my beloved.”
Brainstorm how God can use single people in different ways from married people.
Have the students brainstorm things they can do as single people. Being single allows you to spend time with others who may otherwise be lonely, or travel to help those in need, or do work that married people can’t. At the end of their discussion, get the students to think about how they can serve God and others as married people or as single people.
SHARE:
“The time that young adults spend single is getting longer and longer. Most people don’t get married today until they are in their 30s. That means you’re likely going to be single for a good chunk of your life. You need to know that singleness is a gift, and you need to use it well.”
EXERCISE FOR THE WEEK
Ask students to journal about the single and married people in their lives. What kind of jobs does each group have? What do they do with their free time? Then separate the groups further between Christians who are married vs non-Christians who are married. Do the same with the singles. What kind of activities do Christians do that non-Christians don’t? How does their marital status affect their ability to serve? Ask the students to think about what they want to do for God. Would marriage be a better fit for that kind of work or would singleness be better?
RESOURCES
Christian Singles and the Sex Drive www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsKwl3MmX2k
Not Yet Married, Marshall Segal
Ontario to curb prosecution of HIV non-disclosure cases ,Jacque Gallant, December 1, 2017, Toronto Star https://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2017/12/01/ontario-will-limit-its-prosecution-of-hiv-non-disclosure-cases.html
Owning Alone: conquering your fear of being solo,Teresa Rodriguez www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EZVwRQHiaM&t=528s
Quora Questions, https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-difference-between-love-and-romance
goodguyswag.com/differences-between-love-and-romance/
Radically Single: Authentic Christianity as Men and Women, Dr. David Platt www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGNs7N94BCw&t=628s
Redeeming Singleness, Pastor Berry Danylak